Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Does marriage mean the end to friendship?

Let's face facts! Once you take your vows, it's quite obvious that your friendships will change! I'm not saying, it will end, but yes, it sure will take a new turn. Men, married life, kids, job, personal issues—these are just a few of the strange and confusing reasons which may cause friendships to end, especially among women. No matter the cause, the lack of a good friend is sure going to leave any woman devastated and depressed.
I have in my personal life, experienced a massive change in my relationship with my friends after my wedding. The boys started getting more protective, while the girls (those single) felt they must give the 'newly wed' their privacy. Whatever the case maybe, friendships are viewed in a different light post wedding. You're not the same friend who can step out for a cup of coffee without prior notice or one who can answer calls at any hour of the day.
But wait! It's not the just the newly married who try and battle out the change. The friends join the battle as well. Samyuktha and I were the thickest of friends' right from our school days. I still remember the days we bunked classes, shared lunch under the huge, old Neem tree and of course played the worst of pranks. Few months after my wedding, she insisted we have a chat, and mind you that's just her way of hinting that she needs to confess or confront something! While I agreed for the date, I was confused as well.
She started off "Ever since my best friend (referring to me) got married, I've started distancing myself from her because I wanted her to have her space. But, now I'm feeling insecure! There hasn't been one phone conversation without your hubby's topic. While I enjoy listening to you, I feel I have, in the process lost the bubbly, stupid girl I knew. The good old girlie talk we shared, the endless gossip sessions over piping hot chai and what not!"
Rings a bell somewhere? Sad, but this is what happens to most of us, just that only a few of us realise or admit. We feel we are doing justice in sharing our family woes with our best friend, but ladies we are WRONG! That's not the only thing friends expect out of us.

I've read and heard women juggle work and home effortlessly, but how about friendship? Do they find the time to nurture it post wedding as well? Quite a dicey situation for any woman!
It gets worse if you have guy friends. I 'm not saying men doubt their wives, but sure they are egoistic (or maybe ignorant) in getting along with the wife's male friends. Here's an example: My friend Reena, had a huge circle of guy friends before her wedding. When I asked her how she handled her friendship with the opposite sex, this is what she had to say -"Post my wedding, I felt the difference, or wait I'd rather call it indifference, with my friends. They began to complain I had no time for them and even worse, my husband was quiet cold & didn't make an attempt to get to know my friends. It made our friendship really awkward and gradually they began ignoring me. I always wondered if it was morally wrong to have men as friends post wedding. I could not question my hubby & had no choice but to move on!"
Well, so if your 'male' friend gets along with your hubby dear, thank your lucky stars, for you're not going to lose your friend. But if the situation is the other way round, then there's the whole drama of convincing and making your beloved understand.
They say the most important thing in handling man-woman friendship after wedding, is that his/her friendship with the opposite sex should not hamper one's married life. Anyways who decides what hampers a married life and what does not? Who is the final authority?
So it all boils down to one question - Does the 'husband' have to get along with your friends for your friendship to last long?

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